billEberly.com

My band Hyannis’s CD’s are in, drop me a note if you want one for the low low price of seven bucks.

Update: You can also pick one up at the Antiquarium, Drastic Plastic, or Homers.

Darth Vader’s brother gets a job managing a grocery store. Watch it, fools.

Episode 1

Episode 2

I’m at the Reel Big Fish concert tonight, standing by a circle pit near the back of the room. Some guy standing next to me is talking with his friend and looks quite perplexed about something. He looks over at me and asks “Why do they go around in a circle?” I thought about it for a second and found this to be a very valid question. What compells people at a concert to go around in a circle, and not any other shape?

So I replied with the only logical thing that came to mind: “I guess its too hard to go in a square”. After a quick attempt at square-pitting, we found this to be true.

Also, its really annoying trying to make a motion to get people to square pit. Nobody wants to hold thier finger up and try to move it in a square. If you mess up, people might start a rectangle pit, and nobody wants that.

Or maybe he just wanted to know why people circle pit in the first place.

The British are widely regarded for having bad teeth. Why is it then that some annoying British chick is trying to sell me Orbit gum?

Cinnamon flavored toothpaste is probably the worst idea ever. That’s the last time I ever let Emeril tell me about oral hygiene.

Dear random homeless guy from yesterday:

I have no problem with you asking me for money, but please don’t expect me to give you any when you’re eating an ice cream cone. I refuse to believe that the last guy you asked for money didn’t have any cash, but did have an ice cream cone to give to you. You could have at least eaten it first, or hidden it, or given it to that hooker chick that you were hanging around with.

It took about 6 months, but I’m finally number #1 on google when you search for my name.

As I spend about an hour counting rugs at Shopko today, I think I figured out how area rugs were invented:

“Wow, that carpet would look great in my living room!”

“Yeah lets get it”

*hours later*

“So this carpet is great, but I don’t want to cut it to shape the room or glue it down”

“Meh, just cut into a rectangle and leave it”

Donnie Darko would be even more awesome if it featured the creepy Burger King king as Frank, and Mayor McCheese as Donnie.